BLACK NIMBUS

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The BLACK NIMBUS was discovered in the 14th Century by Gregorian Monks working in a leper colony in Guam. Their happenstance find led to a chain reaction which destroyed the mighty Guamian Empire, leaving it the third world nation it is today.

I was rediscovered centuries later by the infamous adventurer and rake, Sir Richard Burton, as evidenced by this quote from Time Magazine: (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,837207-2,00.html)

"Glowering in evening dress, yellow from fever, scarred on the cheek by a Somali javelin, carrying a dark nimbus of unspeakable sins learned in the evil Orient, Burton was pure catnip to the ladies in the drawing room."

Burton took his secrets to his grave, and the unholy power of the BLACK NIMBUS was lost to the sands of time.

Until, while trekking across the ancient mountain ranges of Babylonia, an RSD Staff member stumbled upon a steel chest, scrawled with weird and arcane runes of warding.

He moved swiftly for a man of his size.

His greed overcame him, and he smashed open the chest with his own face.

There he found an ancient text. He describes what he found there thusly:

"The secrets of the BLACK NIMBUS were first revealed to me in the pages of the NECRONOMICUNT - a book of pure evil. It was inked in the secretions of the young Britney Spears, and bound in the discarded flesh from Elizabeth Taylor's last 10 facelifts.

I paid dearly for the knowledge, the UNHOLY knowledge of the dreaded BLACK NIMBUS.

Once I stared into the dreaded pages, my hair was shot through with white, my face became grizzled, and my Converse All Stars became all battered and fucked.

Anyone who's met me can attest that I bear these horrific scars.

And yet I was able to utter, at the last moment, an ancient Babylonian enchantment which bound the power of the BLACK NIMBUS into the letters of it's CAPITALISED form.

If you write it uncapitalised... the consequences will be dire for all humanity."

Indeed, this is the dreaded BLACK NIMBUS.

The BLACK NIMBUS transcends all things, issues, places and times. It transcends geography, logic and the laws of physics.

The BLACK NIMBUS transcends transcension.

Tapping the terrible secrets of the BLACK NIMBUS, Ciaran created a method of attracting women more powerful than anything that had ever been seen. He called this method Shock and Awe.

In a secret laboratory high above the Romanian Castle that Vlad the Impaler once called his home, Papa and Tyler sought to unlock the science behind this arcane knowledge.

This is what they discovered.

Shock and Awe, when done right, creates a vortex with a massive pull.

You begin to generate a stream of highly charged ionised particles called S+A SOIs. These particles feed directly into the core of your Nimbus, increasing it's density at an exponential rate.

After your Nimbus reaches critical mass, it essentially collapses in on itself.

What then occurs is that the molecular bonds holding your Nimbus's constituent atoms together then ALSO collapse under the extreme pressure.

This further accelerates the collapsing process producing massively concentrated waves of pure Nimbus energy, and a superdense Nimbus with with a gargantuan gravitational pull.

The scientific term for this is a BLACK NIMBUS.

Once an orbiting honey passes beyond the Event Horizon of the BLACK NIMBUS (BLACK NIMBUS must always be capitalized) she is doomed to be pulled into the maelstrom and destroyed.

There is no escape... UNLESS

1) He who initiated the meltdown process in the first place intentionally blows her out

or

2) The BLACK NIMBUS collapses because the stream of S+A SOI's (particles needed to fuel it's mighty power) falters.

These are the only two situations in which a Slinky Young Honey can escape the Event Horizon of the BLACK NIMBUS.

Use it wisely.

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