Displaying High value vs Unavailability

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The Paradox

I've noticed lately among a few friends of mine a little confusion between Displaying High Value and being Unavailable. The assumption goes that Unavailability is a good thing and makes you desireable. When she calls, you are busy. When making plans, you don't bend to her schedule. But there is a confounding variable:

You cannot simply BE unavailable. Being nothing more than a pain in the ass to get a hold of and hang out with will get you nowhere. So, how do you tell if your unavailabilty is conveying high value? The general conclusion is that a High Value Lifestyle will create Limited Availability. I suppose this is why i don't like the term Unavailable, because you have to actually HANG OUT WITH THEM to get ANYWHERE! Limited Availability is the KEY.

Even if it is a lie, it is key key key. You are busy becasue you have a meeting, or some amazing thing to go do. You are on your way into the gym, you are busy saving kittens from a burning building, or you are scheduled for your high g-force training for your next space flight.

The Solution

The same way a false time constraint creates a little bit of latent ability to interact in a comfortable manner, High Value Limited Availabiilty will show that you are not needy, not a loser, and still a fun guy.

The key is to show two things at once: You would very much like to see her, but you don't need to and are not overeager because you have built your own amazing life.

A simple phone interaction with what I have been calling a Yes or Yes Question:

JD: "Hey HB, I have alot of work to clean up next week before I head to California for the weekend, but I have free time Tuesday and Thursday night. Which night is better for you to chill?"

HB: "ya im free thurs night!"

So now you have set up a question where the answers are "Tuesday" or "Thursday" and your reasoning behind the LIMITS are ones with VALUE. Yes, she still can get out of your multiple choice question:

HB: "Well... im busy those nights sorry "

but its not dead in the water. Conveying High Value does not mean you should be a PAIN IN THE ASS to schedule something with!

JD: "That's cool... when are you free in the next week or so"

HB: "blah blah blah"


JD: "That's cool... hey listen, I'm walking into the gym right now so I'll call you next week**"

HB: "Okay! blah blah blah"

    • KEY POINT: Keeping Control, YOU are going to call HER. Never let HER be IN CHARGE of calling YOU. This way, hey, you said you would call her so you did. Now you don't have to wait around for her to call only for her to never call and you get all needy and reactive and shit waiting by your cellphone hoping it blows up.

The Conclusion

Simply being Unavailable only makes you a pain in the ass to actually hang out with. If HB asks you to hang out on a certain day, and you ARE free, JUST FUCKING DO IT! Don't WORRY about trying to be unavailable, especially if you are going to be lying, just to IMPRESS her. You will just come off as a douche.

Want to convey a bit of that "im busy" shit when you say yes to her plans?

HB: "JD!! Come have dinner with me Tuesday night!"

JD: "Hang on let me check if I have a meeting that night. *pause, flip through planner* Yeah I'm free by 6:00 lets eat "

HB: "Yay! Please slap me in the face with your majestic cock of glory!**

    • may or may not be actual events

THE BOTTOM LINE is that your GOAL is to be an easy guy to have interactions with, who is not needy, who does have a life, who does not BEND your schedule to hers but is TOTALLY FINE with FIGURING OUT when and how to get together! YOUR GOAL is to HANG OUT so don't thwart your own fucking goal by TRYING to be Unavailable, especially in a way that doesn't even convey any value.


More than likely, she will end up bending her schedule to yours if your intial interaction was up to par. Comments and criticism welcome as always



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