Happyness & Validation

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Joy is an INTERNAL state of consciousness that determines how we perceive and experience the world. If you have lost touch with your internal source of joy, if the happiness you experience always originates in circumstances OUTSIDE yourself, then you are at the MERCY of every situation and every STRANGER you meet. This kind of happiness is always elusive.

Happiness for a REASON is just another form of [me not sure?... please insert correct word here] because the reason can be "taken away" from us at any time. To be happy for NO REASON is the happiness we want to experience!!!

If you think I’m happy because I have a great job, great friends, money or by the validation of a beautiful woman. Notice, all these reasons for happiness are tenuous, they can come and go like a passing breeze.

Happiness already exists within us, but is often covered up by distractions with our everyday concerns. Social conditioning and constricted awareness keep us distracted from it.

Watch a documentary on primitive people living in Africa in a mud hut …Why are they so happy? They have nothing!

See when our life is an expression of the inner state of happiness we discover an immense reservoir of power within us. When we are self-validated, we don’t need the validation of others. This power gives us freedom from fear and limitations and allows us to realize all the abundance we aspire to. We find ourselves becoming beacons of light and love, and our very presence nurtures the environment around us.

Happiness is the goal of all goals, and it is a state of consciousness that already exists within you. And when happiness eludes us, we seek pleasure through addictive behaviors like alcohol & drugs out of the unconscious hope that we will find joy but external cause of happiness will never create real joy.


Recently I was in a nightclub ...

a) Alone, no wings b) Completely Sober c) My first approach of the night I opened and got blown out by a pretty girl d) A stranger watched (guy) and smiled broadly

I laughed loudly, a guy watching smiled broadly, I chose to respond that way to rejection because I realized I don't need validation... I felt happy because I am finally FREE of needing validation. And I choose to respond that way to rejection.

You see...one cannot have Inner Game unless one has Emotional Control.

The essence of human freedom lies in the fact that unlike plants and animals, man is self aware, and that one of the consequences of that self-awareness is that given any stimulus, we have the power to choose our response.

In psychoanalysis, one of the key elements required for eliminating any neurotic behavior pattern is to understand its “Stimulus, in other words its “Cause.”

Once the deep rooted cause is brought to light, change and treatment is possible because the underlying issue can now be addressed.

This also applies to emotional control, for example 'oneitis'. When we believe that we have fallen for a girl, often times we have not fallen for her, but an ideal we have in our own minds that the female represents to us.

Emotional self sufficiency is now part of my value system. One must analyze one's emotions through the lens of one's value system, your core beliefs about who you are or who you want to be.

Before I was at the mercy of her approval, her validation. I realized I could never be truely happy because she could always take her validation away, and I would always worry about every little thing I did, so as not to lose her. Happyness come from the inside, not externally through her...I can be happy with or with out her. But once I realized this I decided to ...BE...emotionally self sufficient, and not to be dependent on the approval of others.

Try this...

1) Step outside of yourself and analyze your emotions by trying to find out what caused them, what was the first cause.

2) Once you have figured that out, ask yourself--In the light of my value system (being a PUA) does the stimulus justify my emotional response? Do I approve of this response?

Remember, between stimulus and response, man has choice. Analyze your stimulus and often times you will realize that it is silly, then exercise your choice by condemning that emotion in the light of your value system, whatever that may be.


In the fourth grade, you had a terrible crush on a girl who liked you, but you never got, or she rejected you. Now, you meet another girl, and for some reason you can't quite put your finger on, you feel yourself becoming infatuated.

You tell yourself, "I'm falling in love/getting oneitis, and there's nothing I can do about it!" Your belief that you have no power over how you feel reinforces itself and you fantasize more and more.


You analyze her and realize that in fact this new girl, in your subconscious, represents something, something in your own mind such as the girl you lost in the fourth grade who scarred you, and remained buried in your psyche. Then you realize that the girl itself has nothing to do with how you feel, it is the symbolism that you have projected unto her.

You realize that she is not the girl you lost, and that you hardly know her, and that there is no halo around her head. You realize that your PUA mentality cannot abide infatuation, so your value system condemns the unjustifiable emotion. Your infatuation has been demystified and deconstructed, and quickly begins to fade.

It's like being obsessed with wondering if Santa Claus will visit, only to learn that there is no Santa Claus. It's all in your head.


3) In order to be able to execute this process, you need to believe that you have the power to chose your emotional response.

Another critical concept is Circle theory. Your Circle of concern is everything that you are concerned about, and within that circle is a smaller circle called the Circle of Influence, which is what you have the power to affect or change.

If you believe that a thing is outside your circle of influence, THEN IT IS. If you believe that fear/love/oneitis/infatuation is involuntary and uncontrollable, then your mind operates accordingly until you realize that these things are inside your circle of influence.

If you throw your hands in the air and say "that's just the way I am" then you are simply abdicating responsibility for that element which is within your power, and giving it power over you.

Take responsibility for what goes on inside your heart and your mind.

The above understanding is 1/2 your inner game battle

Everything I have said must be combined with desensitization that is "by approaching a lot of girls" and "positive" rather then negative self talk which I'll talk about next post


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