Mental Shifts

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Mental shifts today....

Ego. Its fucked. Last night i realised how much my life is propped up with ego and it made me sick. I deleted my wanky msn messages, got rid of half the self advertising shit on facebook, got rid of my self-defining signature stateemnts and so on...

I realised that i could lose anything in my life at any point, money, clothes, abilities, friends, girls, none of it is guaranteed to be there tomorrow, all i have for certain is my core person. I have to be happy and content with that, everything else is transient. I have nothing i need to complete me...My core being is all i have.

Rocked up to uni, saw some random chick with cool hair, so i told her i liked it. She was a bit embarrassed but hey, live in the moment, the moment was passed so no need to feel bad.

I have nothing to hide behind. PUt myself out there warts n all...

Whoa how weird. I turn up to my tute and everyone seems to notice. People are saying hi and initiating convo, some peopl ewho usually ignore me are chatting to me. strange...

I'm talking differently. Its a bit geeky and childish, but its genuine and not like my usual ego protecting mannerisms. People seem to like me like this, i dont let it get to my head and keep doing my thing.

I feel the ego creeping back but i fight it and try and stay focussed on the moment, the interaction

I just act without filtering. I n a way it makes me feel chode coz thats what i used to do as a chode, but now its like i have the social awareness too (mostly) and im no longer trying not to offend people, so it comes across differently.

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