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Real Social Dynamics Wiki - Observation is Fundamental

Observation is Fundamental

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There are so many elusive, yet obvious statements you can make regarding game. You can explain them to someone and they'll say, "Wow, that's so simple." I have another one for that long list:

Pay attention to wherever you are.

When you go somewhere, don't have your head so buried in some thought process or in theory that you can't handle the simple act of being in some place like you own it.

And what's the most confident way to act like you own a place? Knowing where shit is.

You can take this either very absurd or fairly light and easy. Both approaches have merit, and I'll discuss both. I have found it's fairly easy to transition between the two based on comfort level, but eventually, everything can be observed on a fine level.

When you're in your home, you know where everything is. You know where the food is, you know where the bathroom is. You never question it. There is a certain level of comfort conveyed by this. It's your home, you're the master of the house, and you carry yourself as such.

So why can't you do that in other places? You can learn where bathrooms are. You can learn where the best spots at the bar can be found. Knowing those basics mean you can walk ANYWHERE and be comfortable. Be the master of every house you walk into.

How do you do it? Do you sit there like a creep and write down notes about things? Hardly. But in the course of just hanging out, look the fuck around. Where are lines forming? I bet those are bathrooms. Is one bathroom busier than another? Is there a backdoor? Is it crowded in the back?

Get in the habit of looking for the basics of room layout. Doors, traffic patterns and bathroom locations. This serves many purposes:

1. When you gotta go, you know where you're going without delay.

2. You know where NOT to stand when things get hectic.

3. You know where TO stand, so that you're visible.

4. When you've got momentum on your side, you can quickly pull somewhere, or exit.

Now that's the light and easy method. Learn the basics and increase your comfort. Let's get heavy.

You're in your favorite bar/lounge. You've got an HB9 aching for you. She really wants to do awfully naughty things to you with her mouth. Do you panic? Do you say "Wait, we need to go somewhere else."? Do you tell her not to?

It's your favorite bar/lounge. Are you not the master of this house? Fuck yes, you are. You know that there's a set of tables in the back, behind that potted plant that you're reasonably certain afford you privacy. Maybe you know about the last stall in the bathroom that no one uses. These are places you can pull, isolate and do what you like. You know these places exist because you've been observant. When you were in the process of getting her excited, you kept an eye out for shit like this. You planned your next move as you were making the previous one. Masters of houses don't waffle, they take goddamned action.

Observation goes beyond logistics. Sure it's nice to know what a room has to offer in terms of activity and privacy, but what about the people in the room?

Pay attention to where bouncers are. Watch for employees. Watch for chodes. The bouncer, the one against the wall, how far is he from the dancefloor if this AMOG gives you a problem? Is the bartender focusing more on one side of the bar than the other? Are all the chodes against the rear wall?

And your selected she wearing a ring? Is there a tanline from where there used to be a ring? Is she drunk? Can she dance? Fake tits? How is she carrying herself? All these observations take seconds to make and can greatly impact an opening or maintain an interaction.

Practice observation. Watch something you like, pause it and write down as many things as you can. Go somewhere, spend 3 minutes watching people and then describe what they're doing and wearing.

It pays off to keep your eyes open. Open eyes lead to open options.

So there she is, maybe fifteen feet from you. Seems like miles. Seems like there's an impossible sea of people separating the two of you. Okay, you're confident. You've got your opener. It's time to tell her that you love salad.

Wait, what's she doing? What's she saying to that guy? Wow, looks like he just bombed out. You sure you love salad that much? Oh jesus, what the hell are you gonna say? She's gonna think you're a moron isn't she? Is this Approach Anxiety that you're feeling? Are you too far into your own head now? Where's your nimbus? What's going on? OH NOES!! WHAT WILL YOU DO!?!!?!

You can start by looking at her. I don't mean in a creepy "undress-her-with-your-eyes" way, I mean honestly appraise the situation. When that other guy just crashed and burned, was she looking at him? Did she still manage to dance and blow him off? Is she dancing now?

Observation starts the second you see who you're going to interact with. It can start from fifteen feet away. Once you see her, spend some time (it's less than a minute, seriously) seeing what she's up to. Getting next to her is the goal, and you look where you're walking to, right? It's natural to do so.

As you approach her, and you can start to hear her, pay just a little more attention. How does she sound? Is she frustrated? Drunk? Hearing her may change your mind on approaching her. That's also entirely acceptable. (Maybe she's a moron, and you don't talk to morons.) If she sounds dumber than a bag of hammers, just walk on by. Move on to your next eligible woman.

But let's say you're sure she's not a moron. Let's say she's clearly a 9. And she's dancing. And you feel it in your soul that you HAVE to talk to her, because you KNOW she's going to end up in bed with you (I know I can't be the only one who feels that way). You haven't opened your mouth yet. You've got a few seconds on the shot-clock before you're going to have to say something......the tension is building.

STOP. THERE'S NO TENSION. WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE? OH RIGHT, YOU ARE. SO ACT LIKE IT. Before you throw down that opener, make sure she sees you. Lock eyes if you want. Project your nimbus. Before an amphibious assault, they shell the beaches. You're doing so without words. And while you're giving her the chance to drink you all in, you're being observant.

Check her body language. Check her confidence level. Is she in a group of friends? Did some just cluster near her as you came into view? These are some of all the last second observations you can make.

All of the observations, all the ones made far away and those made progressively closer are now available to you as information in either your opener or throughout conversation. Maybe something she's wearing is far more potent an opener than your love for leafy greens. Go for it. Maybe she's hot, but can't dance. Let her know it. Maybe she's so ungodly hot that you can't help it that in 5 seconds your hand is going to be on her ass. She's such a bad girl, it's all her fault.

There she is. She's standing there. I think she's looking this way.

A list of things to observe, reposted from a PM: Hair,Shoes,Eye color,left or right handed,style of phone,painted nails, height,what she's eating or drinking,if she's shopping, what bags is she carrying?, is she chewing gum, is she wearing sunglasses?, does she look angry?, is she smiling? is she alone?

[edit] Speed and Accuracy

Both matter.

If you have to develop one before the other go for accuracy over speed. It's not a gunfight in the 1800s, so you can afford to be precise rather than fast about it. In fact, rushing through observation is essentially the same as making assumptions, which won't get you anywhere.

It's not about turning into a Rain Man-esque savant and knowing the precise number of twists in the braids of her hair. It's about just making that initial step, and realizing her hair is in fact braided.

For you routine guys out there, observation is one of the cornerstones of cold reading. You'll sound infinitely more "mystifying" if you can based cold read material on something you've observed.

This is about improv, but not in the comedic sense. It's improv jazz, taking one or two items and turning into thirty seconds of glorious melody.


A redhead is tapping her foot in line at Starbucks. It's long and slow-moving line. All you can see now is her back, her hair, her purse and how nice of an ass she has. But you see her shifting her weight and tapping that foot with a loud sigh.

Conclusion: Impatience, frustration.

I can tap her on the shoulder and start talking. "I had no idea it was so difficult to make change for a five dollar bill. This line better move ahead quick, I'm jonesing for my caffeine fix. Ever have one of those afternoons?"

BOOM, you're have a conversation because she tapped her foot. It's comfortable because you're not discussing some bizarre routine with her. It's easy, because it's in the moment.

Go forth and pay attention. All of these things are situational and can be used throughout conversation.

What not to observe

You're paying attention to the situation, you're watching her body language, you're looking for potential things to springboard into openers...but how do you know what's worth looking at and what isn't?

A lot of people are observant for the wrong things. People look for validation for their excuses. People look for reasons to NOT approach, sustain or close conversations.

"Oh she's right handed. She'll turn the wrong way when I claw." "She looks bitchy." "Maybe she's busy." you know, busy, standing there doing nothing.

In the course of your pre-screening (thanks ManWhore), do not look for the excuses to NOT talk, look for the reasons TO talk:

"She's got a tattoo. I bet she has more." "She looks like she's having a good time. "There's a space between her and her friend, that I can fit my CLAW into."

Observation leads to opportunity when it goes from seeing options to taking actions.

[edit] Observation in "The Now"

How is it possible that people can be observant AND in the moment? How are you supposed to keep track of a million things you can say, and keep an eye on her? How do you do all this and NOT have your head explode?

Baby steps, friend, baby steps.

No one is asking you to take 30 seconds to check out the room and then draw it from scratch on a bar napkin. No one is asking you a series of demanding questions about some minute thing going on in the corner.

All that matters is you and her. Period. The logistics of the scene will handle themselves.

Observe AS you approach. Does she turn towards you? Does she even know you're there?

Observe yourself as well as you approach. Are you tensing up? Are you walking like you own the place? Are you already thinking about how great she'll look naked in bed?

From approach to interaction to close, these are the ONLY moments that matter. Your own insulated bubble, built entirely on what you and she observe, and what you do about it.

Walk into any club, bar, lounge or venue and that's all you see. A thousand little bubbles. Want to have your mind blown? Realize that more than half the people in those bubbles aren't observant at all. They're reactionary or desperate or knee-deep in canned material. They'll blunder through and either get lucky (it happens) or they'll fall for every trap and test in the book.

But not you, oh observant one. You see the moment for what it is. You understand that value of uncluttering your mind. You are lethal now, armed with what you see, and ready to take on any challenge. She can test you all she wants, because you not being shaken. Not tonight.

This is your moment. What do you see? And what do you do because of it?

It doesn't matter if the pile of things in your head falls flat. Go back to your moment. Keep swinging. Keep the interaction going. Observation can save you. it doesn't matter if she throws tests at you, you can cut right through them with your observant machete. Keep plowing.

It's a train, and you're running it. Effortlessly, because outcomes are irrelevant in the moment. You're in the interaction. Bombs could go off, and it's all you and her. Six dudes could start a fistfight, and you'll just CLAW her out of harms way. Some dude could AMOG, and you'll discard him.

You and her. Only. And it's only available because you're paying attention outside of your head. Observe and set people free.

Observation Gives Way to Feeling (Or When To Stop Observing)

For all the sensory input around you, for all the observations you can make, for all the actions that observation can inspire, there comes a moment when you have to transition from observation to feelings.

Off the top of my head, I can say this is predominantly a closing issue, although I can see it used during escalation.

The question becomes: When do I stop observing?

The short answer? When feeling starts.

Feeling is another kind of observation. It's secondary, and get a little headspace-y. Feeling has less direct indicators, and is more the sum of previous observations.

Imagine a checklist: · Fresh breath? Check.

· Good smile? Check

· Is she close enough to me? Check.

· No chapped lips? Check

· Do I want to do this? Check

Then it's kissing time. There are so few direct indicators to tell you "when should I kiss her", that you do have to rely on feeling. Feeling breaks down into a series of observations you've already made, and the result of that observation confirms or denies your next action.

This sounds terribly mechanized, when in reality this whole segue from observation to feeling happens faster than I can type this sentence. It's seconds, and even that might be too long.

Observation provides the framework, feeling fills in the blanks.

She has __a___ ring visible. (Yes/No) This is your basic observation.

Interact with her. Draw from that observation a feeling based on both the observation and your own barometer of the interaction.

She is not married, and she's interested in me. There will be wild monkey sex tonight This is your feeling.

Now, I know people out there. You have questions. · What if I draw the wrong conclusion?

· What if the interaction falls apart?

· What if I can't perform?

· What if she freezes up?

· What if ninjas attack?

What-If questions will be the death of any/all interactions. A What-If question draws it's power from 2 basic principles.

i. From situations that have not occurred yet, and you're concerned as to how they will go. ii. From situations that MAY or MAY NOT occur.

Neither of these two conditions exist in reality, they're both projections of fear, anxiety and uncertainty. They are not in the now. They are not of the moment. As such, we can discard them.

Remember, all that matters is what you do in your moment. What you observe is what you'll base your feelings on, and this will all dictate your actions to some degree.

Be free. Live well.

For the majority of posts so far I have talked about how you can observe tangible items about a single person. Once you get into the habit of paying attention to what's around you, you can very easily start to notice the intangible things.

So today, we're talking intangibles. Specifically, hesitation and over-indulgence. Both are important.

Hesitation -- This is just as it sounds. It's someone delaying action, or someone not fully sure if they can or should enjoy themselves. In a one-on-one situation, this is essentially LMR. I have written elsewhere how to knock out LMR, but for this post, I'm just talking about how you can spot it before you experience it.

In a pack of women, there's usually one person who's just not laughing as much. Or when you isolate one person, she's constantly looking over her shoulder, desperate for eye-coding or looking to get bailed out, even if you're not at all creepy. This is not your fault. Please understand that. This hesitation is not caused by your approach, but rather she brought it with her long before you arrived. Now, true, your approach can amplify her hesitation (and create closing problems), but we'll chat about that later.

She has her own reasons for being hesitant. You can observe this without even approaching her. Look across the bar, watch some moron try to chat her up. See that deer-in-the-headlights look? See how she had it before the guy even said hello? She brings it with her. Now, you, the stellar man, can knock it away, and get her to drop it, but that's also outside the scope of observation.

So what can you do? You have to let her carry it. It's her baggage. She has invested/wasted a lot of energy in developing this mindset, it would be terribly selfish of you to just ignore it, since it will play a role later when you're trying to connect your manparts to her ladyparts. Let her carry it, and occasionally question it, indirectly.

"Do you need a hug?" "You and your friends look like you're having a great time." or my new favorite "I think someone needs a smile."

You're not trying to eliminate their hesitation upon approach. That's overwhelming, and will actually serve to amp up hesitation. You're trying to get them to just put down the baggage for a second. Once they do, they'll realize that they can do that freely around you, and will continue to do so. (Also, this can lead to wild, liberated sex) Observing hesitation may sound as though you're jumping into your head mid-interaction but please do not dissect what I'm saying.

It is NOT: "Hi, I'm John and it's awesome to meet you." she smiles, and looks for her big-tittied friend she's only barely smiling, I think her friend abandoned her. She's miserable. I'm overthinking this, this is bombing. EJECT! EJECT!"

I am not adding fuel to your inner monologue gentlemen, I am ask you to be observant of other people's social "groove".

Over-Indulgence -- Wait until about an hour before the bar closes, watch the really drunk women angle up to any guy (or even the guy they blew off earlier in the night) and magically, he'll get lucky. This is frustrating to watch, even on nights when I'm not seeking the fine company of a lady.

Over-Indulgence is the "Wooo! I'm going to party!" mentality, wherein people drink and party as though morning will never come and they can escape their stress in a bottle. (Oh the irony of this being said by a man called "drunkjohn" -- I really need a name change).

People mistake over-indulgence for "easiness" because drunk girls are easy. And yes, they are. You can have a fabulous one night stand with some decent-looking woman and never see her again. So what's wrong with that, you ask me?

Oh, nothing's wrong with it exactly, if that's what you're after. If you want to just swoop through every bar an hour before last call, round up the drunkest women possible and fuck each one as they pass out, more power to you. But are you truly getting anything out of it? Did it test your skills? Did you put in any effort, aside from rolling on the condom in the dark?

Over-Indulgence is easily observed. They're the ones spilling out of their shirts ten minutes after entering the bar. They're the ones double-fisting their second set of Coronas while attempting to line dance in their seats.

The problem is, that despite all their indulgence, they can still get remarkably sober when you get into bed. This leads me to believe that part of their brain never truly gets pickled, just so that they can leave you frustrated despite making out with you a dozen times in the bar and telling you in great details the things she'll do when she's naked.

Over-Indulgence is best experienced as a breeze-through. Interact with it, but breeze through it. Move on from it. Do not linger in it, you'll only set yourself up for a problem later. Encounter, drink in the energies, and move from it.

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