On overtaking fear or simply not approaching

From Real Social Dynamics Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Getting yourself to approach!

How do you get yourself to approach?

How do you get yourself to take action?

Why do you go out with the intention of approaching yet not do it?

These are good questions, and I will seek to answer them in this short post. We all know that fear is there to protect us, to help us avoid making decisions that could be costly, such as jump of a bridge or get in a fight with a police officer. Point is that these fears are rational, especially in the area of women as rejection is far worse than something like skydiving. Because in skydiving, there is a small chance for failure, but in approaching there is a huge chance for failure. So the fear of losing is very high, I mean I'm not perfect and get rejected at times. Of course not very often, and if it happens, I keep approaching till I get something good that I like. But the thing is that everyone gets rejected. The smart ones lose the ego and identify what they did wrong, the stupid ones are the ones that don't want to admit that they're not as good as they thought. If you're winging with me, and I mess up a set, I'll tell you specifically what I did wrong. Maybe I was too loud, or tried to escalate too fast, or tried to crack a joke when they were serious. Point is that I'll identify what I did wrong.

Now, say you're out, and you're “not in the mood” you're not feeling it. What do you do? Should you sit around sheepish-ly and think about why you feel this way? No, remember emotion is faster than thought. You see sirens in your rear view mirror, you feel that drop in your stomach, way before you think about what's going on. So, thinking isn't going to work. The one thing that I've found consistently to work is ACTION. Now, action is a funny thing because sometimes there are actions that are too big for people. Sometimes the mere act of talking to a girl is a little too much for a guy. Even if I push him into sets (which by the way rarely works), he probably won't talk to the girls. So, I started thinking and I eventually realized that TAKING SOME ACTION IS BETTER THAN DOING NOTHING.

So, one thing that is good for students is to get the ball rolling. To walk up to somebody and say, “hi” It doesn't even have to be someone they're attracted to. Again, some action is better than none. You have to get the ball rolling before you can hope to move it anywhere. What is it? An object in motion stays in motion. Well, specifically all this means is that you have to get rolling with some action, and anything is better than nothing. This is the one thing that I've found consistently to work.

Of course, all the other things work, including visualize, pump your state, and three second rule. But all these I've found have their limitations. You can't always go and pump your state in the middle of the club, and sometimes a quick shift in your phsyiology isn't enough. Sometimes, you wait longer than three seconds. And sometimes, even the best visualizations can be overcome by our emotions. Although, I don't want to discredit anything that works, especially these as I've used them all!

But one thing I've found to work at this stage is just to take some action is better than none.

And remember, that negativity is a demonstration of lower value.

--Geoff

(c) REAL Social Dynnnnnnamics

Personal tools