Outcome Dependence: The double edged sword

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By Pimpski

It is said over and over again to not be "outcome dependent." A lot of times, this concept gets twisted a bit and is not fully explained.

Being "Outcome Dependent" simply means that your state can be effected by the outcome of a situation. Primarily, outcome dependence is used to describe a guy getting upset when a girl flakes on you, or an approach doesn't go well, or overall when something negative happens.

However, this also applies to the validation you allow yourself to feel when good things happen. When you get a solid number close and she's totally into you. When she's agreed to meet on a day 2 and you haven't had one in weeks. When she finally calls you back from the message you left. All of these examples share the potential to make you feel good about yourself.

If you allow yourself to bask in these rewarding emotions then you are just as outcome dependent as you would be if you got angry at a girl rejecting you. You are still reactive and you are still at the emotional mercy of others. The instability of an emotional roller coaster makes you lose control of your feelings. Accepting validation from an outcome will lead to experiencing a sense of loss if that outcome changes.

You have two choices: Allow your emotions to experience peaks and valleys due to external influences or sustain your emotions as a plateau.

Learning to plateau your state and disallowing it to be altered by external validation will create outcome independence. Hoobie says something similar in Transformations (which you should have purchased already and known what i'm talking about). We as men are the emotional stability while the women are the rollercoasters. They actually NEED us to be stable. Being stable means not reacting emotionally to anything, good or bad.

This is not to say "Don't have emotions." If you feel joy, then share it. If something significant is bothering you, confront it and move on. It takes a man of action to accomplish anything.

Regarding the effect on your learning curve, I would imagine so. If you are emotionally dis-attached from an outcome you can look at it objectively. If you are a winey little bitch then you're mind thinks subjectively and your acting like a woman. Learning is logical and requires brutally honest self-criticism. Acknowledge, process, and take action. Once something is done, then its done. Don't dwell on it. Accept the fact that it happened and move on.

Overall, being outcome dependent produces a "what if" mentality. There is no "What if?" there is only "What now?"

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