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Real Social Dynamics Wiki - SSP - Sexual State Projection

SSP - Sexual State Projection

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DaveD was my intro to PU. The reason he worked for me back in 04 was that his perspective on being alpha and in-charge and taking power back for myself was something that I had never considered before. I was doing it, sometimes, but not consistently, and his material specifically got me thinking about my place in society and my position with women, their position with me. That was a great start.

The missing piece is this thing we've all been talking about lately, but not really fleshing out. It eludes many of us, self included when I'm stressed out thinking too much. This thing is the key to why the RSD guys are doing it right: strong internally-driven male sexuality worn on your outsides. I've been calling it Sexual State Projection, or SSP, I am not sure who coined the phrase but wasn't me.

D and other PU gurus miss this point about SSP entirely. Sure D's got programs about male sexuality etc whatever the fuck, whatever. They are gay because they dance around the topic and never really cut to the heart of matters. And many many many programs are about the tactical technology, not about the SOUL of what it means to "pick up" women. Tons of friends have gone on-program with other companies and none have reported significant inroads to the core concept of SSP.

Here is cutting to the heart of matters:

About a month ago I was having a beer with some woman, 35 y.o. attractive. We'd been there for about 5 minutes thus far, just long enough to order a beer and we were finding a place to sit. We walk outside, she says something like "I'm not dating anybody, but I'd date YOU." I'm walking in front of her. Upon hearing these words, I stop, turn around, say nothing, put my arms around her, pull her close and kiss her for about 5 minutes in the doorway while people are trying to get in and out around us and I ignore them completely. Took her breath away. A deliberately small example, but illustrative of my point that any man can do it, it's JUST a kiss: Putting it out there. Relentlessly. Without hesitation. Desire without attachment.

Other examples that go much deeper (lol): -Ciaran's Shock and Awe

-MW's follow-up

-JD's qualifying women post

-Perseverance's Church Lay report

-Jeffy and Alex's demos on BC, and their LRs that come up time-to-time

-Other same-day reports, from kiss-to-fuck, incl mine on the virg

-All Fool's Mate Game reports

What they share in common: rapid escalation, state projection, STRONG MALE SEXUALITY EXPRESSED IN REAL TIME. Nothing tentative, brainy, thought out in advance, calculating, routine-based, a-to-b-to-c-no-wait-d, nothing canned, practiced or fake. Nimbus in full effect, calibrated, and with style and panache on the range from James Bond smooooth to King-of-Aces style DOUBLE-BARRELED ALL-OUT TANK-ATTACK.

I'll take this "controversial" topic one step further. Pick-Up & Game are for KIDS. SSP is for MEN.

Anything less than Thermonuclear-Strength Sexual State Projection is homosexual.

You only need 1 girl in front of you to practice your SSP. That's why I gave the kiss example.

NO, SSP is not for advanced dudes only. SSP is for ALL. But it is for non-KJs. KJs will NEVER GET SSP. You must DO.

OK, Here is a way for a newb to practice SSP. Here it is, bare bones, distilled down to the smallest simplest exercise I can think of. This is NOT advanced. Get up, right now, go flirt with a girl verbally until she "hooks" that means when her eyes light up a bit and her attention is on you. Use the cheesiest line imaginable. I don't care what you say, just say something flirty to ANY FEMALE. EVEN YOUR MOM. Hell, try it on MY MOM, I don't care. Then take her hands in yours and look her in the eyes intently for a few seconds. Note your feelings. Release. End of exercise.

So here is what you do:

1. Get a woman.

2. Say something flirty to her and get her attention on you.

3. At that point, move your arms forward and take both her hands gently and look her steadily in the eyes.


5. Release.

Did you feel it? Can you describe it?

That is the simplest SSP imaginable. ANY NEWB CAN DO IT. GO DO IT NOW. GET CRACKING. Don't give me any more excuses "this is for advanced guys only" yada yada ***raspberry sound: pffffffffffffffffffbbbbbbbbbbbbt*** Unacceptable. I have given THE simplest formula to actually do & experience SSP, that any man at any level of PU can go out and do, right now. You do not need 1000 sets to be able to do this exercise, bullshit. You need 1 girl, and do the 5 steps exactly as prescribed.

Try it. Let me know what you feel.

The key to well-calibrated SSP is balancing Yin and Yang, masculine and feminine, in real time.

Brought to you by Chode-X Dork Spray, from the Land of Try-Hard

This hit me last night, after talking to DJ and gettin some female company.

The idea is to attract her, to bowl her over with sexuality, but also simultaneously to draw her into my reality without resistance on her part. To get her INVOLVED rather than just standing there GAMED. The awesome male shock & awe, apocalyptic, strong-frame type displays are useful for spiking intense feelings in a woman. These cut-to-the heart methods we're talking about lately in RSD land have an extreme masculine polarity. Let us call these activities Yang.

But there's a missing piece. Bigger than a piece; it's a realm. And that is Yin, which is the feminine aspect. The Yin is how to reel her in, how to spark her involvement in the dance, how to get her comfortable saying and doing sexy things with you immediately. She has to feel safe. She has to feel nurtured. She has to feel not judged. She has to feel free and open to letting her sexual wildcat out. What it takes is a man who has all the strong male characteristics, tempered with a softer feminine side that he actively shows her, unafraid. He has to make his feminine side plainly obvious to her right then and there. It's a softer feeling-aspect that is humble and unique; it is not needy, but is genuine, loving and real. Inviting, not scary. Thrilling, not scary. Mysterious, enticing and irresistible, but not scary. If you can make yourself intense and inviting but not scary, then you're no longer creepy; you're congruent.

This calming, soothing, loving Yin side of the game balances out the extremes of the Yang side. It is soft and lovely. I was missing it. Without it, something felt off. That chick called me creepy. I was wondering why, no one else had ever called me that, like ever. She said a lot of shit that wasn't true but creepy struck a nerve. So I knew I had to act fast to course-correct.

I ain't been out a second And already got to do some mothafuckin chin-checkin.

So last night I was with a new girl, the one I dubbed Sound-Of-Music, a solid girlie in looks and personality. Tight girl. We met up online last week, had spoken on the phone once a couple days ago, exchanged about 5 short emails or so, not too much contact. Solid, compact game. We meet up in the restaurant for the typical dinner-date thing, because there isn't much else to do around here on a Tuesday. In those emails we exchanged, I was constantly cranking up the s+a and the witty banter, but also smoothing things down with stuff like, "It's not a competition. Make love not war." And other small comments to show that I'm not just trying to game her. I'm a real dude, I like real connection.

We walk in and sit down at our table after taking off our coats. She has on this silk floral blouse with wide cuffs and a sash, showing off her great figure. Her hair is done up, even after a long day of work. She has makeup on. I can tell she put in effort to look good for me. I give her the laser eyes, and I smile a little, my dumb little smirk. Then I say, "You look absolutely stunning tonight." I pay her a huge compliment from the heart. That's it. Boom. From then on, she is giggles and can't keep my eye contact, she's flustered in a good way, playing footsie, touching my hand, giving sexual hints to go bang in the car, etc etc etc. When we go outside afterward, she can't wait to kiss me, I put her off a bit, then finally we do kiss. And from then on she is leaning into me, kissing me, licking my lips and giggling, eating my face. I'm not doing a whole lot, just being there, being warm. Both literally and figuratively.

I got a fat ass and I know how to tote it. You wanna fuck? Twenty g's for the nut Keys to the mansion, keys to the truck What? Y'all know what's up Ain't no hoe got more booty in the butt.

It's so ack-basswards. We hear all the time: be MALE, you're a MAN, don't compliment girls, don't be too soft, don't show weakness, don't this, don't that. But it's simply NOT TRUE.

What makes a man's extreme male sexuality real for a woman in a way that she wants to reach out and TOUCH IT of her own free will, is being that strong man and simultaneously showing genuine warmth and appreciation for all that is feminine, and specifically HER.

Pay her a compliment or two. Talk about your feelings. Ask her about her feelings. Talk about your friends. Ask her about her friends. Talk about kids and dogs and silly things that you don't talk about much with your guy friends. Let all that shit out, without being a needy bitch about it. Assume attraction, assume she wants you, and assume it's totally cool to talk about anything, any feeling you have, and you're just a good cool dude, calibrated to all aspects of his personality, all the feminine, all the masculine. Be the MAN and the SENSITIVE MAN at the same time. Yin and Yang.

Make love, not war. Show love. Show love in small ways to new girls. Yes you say stuff like, "I can't be held responsible for what happens next. I'll bang you now." Then the next thing you should say is a sincere compliment with no S+A intended, "You know, I noticed this just now, you have really beautiful eyes. They look happy." This Yin-Yang interplay will draw that girl in so tight, your head will spin. Believe me, so is hers. You've given her a "total package" right there in front of her in the space of a couple sentences. Like some random dude holding his hand in front of a girl and opening it to reveal a huge shiny gold nugget, and her eyes pop and she goes "Holy shit! WANT!"

When a girl is hesitant, wondering if you're a player, she doesn't want to kiss back, she feels weird, has lots of LMR, etc, she is still evaluating you, as Tyler has said. That is because she needs you to become real to her. She needs you to become a solid dude who can show warmth and affection and nurturing, generally, as well as specific to her, in addition to all that crazy penis-oriented material that we know and love.

The male Yang excites her and spikes her temperature. The feminine Yin draws her into you, because the Yin gives the strongly directed Yang purpose and meaning.

The two together make you a sexual juggernaut.

Because the Yang excites the Yin inside YOU! And the Yin soothes the Yang inside you as well. Ponder that one, dude.

Yin for the win.

(section by drunkjohn) Thoughts! (It's amazing what a quickie and some sushi will do for the mind. Seriously, when you need to work out a morsel of brilliance, I recommend a sexual liaison and tuna rolls)

Yin and Yang is the WHAT you're expressing when you're projecting sexual state. It's not the specific words, but it's very clearly that subtone.

It's Velcro. Velcro is an amazing invention a thousand little sets of hooks and loops that once connected, stay connected.

Isn't that the nature of game?

When I go out, to the mall, the bookstore, to get lunch, I'm approached not because I'm visibly looking different. It's something that people can't quite put their finger on, but there's a.....vibe...that draws people to me. It's not magical. It's cultivated, it's organic expressions of love, compassion and joy.

I look like a dude with a lot of love in his soul and tons of love to share, because I am dude with a lot of love within him.

I might not fully understand the female mind, it might have secrets that elude me for all time, but I have come to understand emotions. Their wavelength, their value, their progression and effects. Knowing this, allows me to be receptive to them.

Knowing this allows me to prime a thousand Velcro hooks for a thousand emotional loops.

It's not overt. (It can be, but that's a different conversation we can have). I'm just BEING. Being in the moment, being interested, being open and genuine. Being sexworthy. Being valuable.

I do all this being without effort, because, for me, there's no wasted energy in loving life, people and finding that innate goodness within everything and promoting it.

It goes beyond the Golden Rule, it goes even beyond Zen. It is a fundamental connection between all living things, all philosophies and all spiritualities. It's one of the greatest treasures in my transformation. Pure and simple, love.

People come talk to me because they're getting enriched for their effort. Talking to me makes them feel good. And I don't take anything from them. They don't walk away with any less than they came in with, and I make that solemn promise (sometimes unspoken) in every interaction I enter. Yes, you want to leave them better than you found them. Yes you want to leave them wanting more. Yes, you want to have more to offer when they do come back.

My velcro is Yin and Yang. She hooks into that. I hook into her. It's not parasitic. I'm not only there to get into her pants. I'm there to have a good time, which she knows I can do with or without her. But why not have it with her? She also wants a good time, and no one likes doing it alone.

I'm not laying elaborate fishing nets and snaring whomever passes by. This is far less tactile in nature. It's communicated so purely, so devoid of the artifice of game, that it cannot be misunderstood.

I can talk to anyone. "Hi, my name's John. What's yours?" Not a line. No lines in sight. Conversation. Conveying no pretense, no ego. Just a guy with rippling energy and positivity pouring off of him like he's standing in front of a fire hose.

When I speak, I speak through that Yin and Yang. I'm genuinely interested. Sometimes not in the specific words (people are sometimes dense and dull) but always in the fact that they're communicating. Always interested in the process. The process of hearing. Of comprehension. Of expression.

There's no room for judgment, that's just shooting myself in the foot. Judge her based on what little I know of her? Would I want her to do that to me?

Yin doesn't judge. It's only half of the whole. It's incomplete. Judging while being incomplete is destructive, you might as well go kill a baby or something.

Seek balance. Be the man, but seek reception. Seek completion. Seek directly.

You've got a thousand hooks (and loops) of your own. Find complimentary loops (and hooks) for happiness.

(about halfway through this, I could have totally gone headspace and Zen....)

he rabbit hole goes deeper.....

I warn you know, this is going to be trippy. Engage your lava lamps, blacklights and sitar music.

Yin and Yang, expanded.

Let us call Yin the feminine component of SSP. It is receptive, it is reaction. It is the emotional, nuturing, somewhat passive aspect to things.

Let us call Yang the masculine component of SSP. It is action. It is dynamic. It is intense, direct and virile.

Understand that these two components exist not only as halves of an interaction, but also as halves of the parts of interaction.

Just go with me on this.

You have an Opener. It is comprised of 2 halves (Yin and Yang) but, it is also a half itself of the start of interaction.

I'd diagram it thusly, if we were discussing this in person

Opener (Yin/Yang) Yang

The dominant half, the half you project (the "P" in SSP) dictates the overall nature of the part of interaction. Openers are Yang, at least mine are. The Responses then become Yin, because the woman is responding in some capacity.

When you move from one to the other in a natural way, the interaction advances. Yang -> Yin -> Yang (Opener -> Response -> Segue) It's progressive. It's a combination of your compassion, your sexual energy and your overall state being expressed. It's not just verbal. We're talking total picture (eyes, body language, words, tonality, vibe, etc) here.

When things move unnaturally, without calibration or balance (Yin -> Yin) the interaction stalls. How many times have you delivered a half-hearted opener and gotten a less-than-favorable response? Going back to the earlier Velcro analogy, you need hooks and loops to make a connection. Loops don't meet loops. They don't stick.

But, stalling the interaction, giving it pause and lengthening it over time is not the outright end of the interaction. The choice has to be made by one or the both of you to end it. You can still save the interaction, rebound nicely and press on. Just remember that the more you stall, the more you'll have to invest into it for continuance.

The great direct openers (Apocalypse Opener comes to mind) work because of the strength of the Yin or Yang elements in them. It's overwhelming the lesser energy in the interaction, giving them a clear choice: Elevate to this level, or be obliterated.

Have you noticed that when you're pumped, and you're moving through a bar or club, and you encounter people with less energy than you, you can sometimes boost them up? Or that you leave people feeling pumped, even after a simple conversation of twenty seconds? This is because of the strong energy you're projecting. The stronger your projection, the higher you take things, the easier things escalate (because escalation requires this energy) and the farther things can go.

It's a staircase. You build up to each successive step. Rise up to it, plateau there if you like, or advance further onward and upward. This is how state is spread. Watch the any of the DVDs, watch how even the simplest story raises the overall room state. You can take this further to use this to give yourself a gauge of a room or group's rhythm. The energy they put out (quantity, type and pace) is essentially in the Yin/Yang vein, calibrating to it is easier once you know which is needed for balance.

It is crucial to know that you're not going to get anywhere without that balance. Your Yin to their Yang or vice versa. Do not meet vibe with similar vibe, it's only going to create tension. (Two pissed off people don't interact well, do they?)

Yin and Yang at their core seek each other. It's why you're drawn to particular people for reasons you don't understand. It's all been subcommunicated to you, you just need to pick up on it. It's about building fluid balance. Moving from one energy to the next in a dynamic and clear way.

Some examples might clear this up:

"Hi, I'm John." A very Yang and direct opener. "Oh, hello I'm Sally." I've given out a lot of energy, she'll match it with a very Yin response. "So, Sally, would you like to come home with me?" The atom bomb of Yang. Not a whole lot she can do to match this with corresponding Yang, so she'll mull it over and seek a Yin-balance. "Blah blah blah."Because so much energy has been put out there, it's not going to be so poorly received. Yin follows Yang

Now, the uncalibrated masses will read this, think it's very theoretical, and maybe people will again say I'm talking out of my ass. Maybe the keyboard jockeys will have a field day breaking down the breakdown of the theory. So, in an effort to quell all that, I'll summarize.

The energy you put out (vibe, state, flow, etc) will be properly met with corresponding balancing receptive energy, because people at their core seek balance and harmony. So if you're completely in tune with yourself, strongly dialed in and able to project with ease, you'll be met with equal value on the other side.

How do you project with ease? Practice. Not more theory. Go out and practice. How do you dial it in strongly? Practice. How do you become in tune with your own energies, and therefore reach state easier and longer? Practice.

There's more coming, I assure you.

This morning in a couple texts DJ and I decided to take on this Yin Yang & SSP topic simultaneously and separately post up our thoughts.

My thoughts strayed towards how to calibrate your game to yourself. This is really the true task that we're all engaging in here, at the heart:

How do I dial up my OWN game, to my own satisfaction, to get the results I want and be the man I want to be?

Isn't that basically it, universally? I think it is, or some flavor of that statement for every dude in this PU biz, even the Harry Potters.

So I started thinking about Yin and Yang, and the interplay of opposites. How one feeds the other one actively. I thought back on where I came from.

A year ago, I was afraid to walk into a bar or nightclub, big or small. A year ago, it was a big deal to talk to a hot girl. A year ago, I was hurting, just broke up with another girlfriend, and did not know if I'd ever really understand how to get girls. Approach? Well.... MAYBE. Ask for her number? ahhhh, scary, but I'd done it. Kiss her on the spot? Grrr. no way. Take her home that night? Out of the question. Etc.

That was a year ago.

Now where am I?

Much farther along. Most of those fears have been quashed by showing myself I can do it. They still rise up from time to time, but mostly they're history.

What did I do?

I met the fears with action. I thought and thought and thought, and then went out and did stuff, tried stuff. I took a BootCamp and SuperConference and thought a lot about what took place, and applied it on my own. I joined up here and started posting, asking questions, throwing in my $.02 whether good or bad. I stayed active and socialized more in the last year than pretty much any other time in my life besides freshman year in college, which was painful in its own uncalibrated way.

Basically I was in a process of taking the extreme emotions I felt, and finding a way to present myself with the opposite, and see which wins.

Give Yin to Yang and Yang to Yin. Or another way to put it is calibration over months and months, the slow process of examining sticking points and presenting alternatives, seeing what works, what doesn't. But I did it actively.

The next piece in this series is how I went about pinpointing the annoyance (among all the other sticking points) and how I decided on what to place in front of it. In other words, the nuts and bolts of what calibration is. Still working that out into words, mostly because I'm doing it. Hard to describe something I'm actively doing. But I will try.


It's giving yourself choices. Alternatives. Options. Choices IN THE MOMENT. REAL TIME.

That's why this community started out with routines and stacks and all sorts of logical technology. Because the most basic thing the forefathers of PU figured out... DO SOMETHING ELSE than what the masses of chodes are doing and that difference is more likely to get you laid and give you your pick among women.

So the community took off by: -pick up lines thru the 60's and 70's -thru to conversational skills and cocaine to loosen the tongue thru the 80's -routines and stories through the 90's -stacks of routines and plotlines, and step-by-step breakdown into the late 90's thru 2002 -followed, finally, at long last, by natural game as we approach 2010.

All based on a simple concept: giving a dude options in the moment, more and bigger and better guns to deploy.

Expanding the menu of choices.

So swing this bus back around to the title of the post: calibration.

What is calibration?

Calibration is practice, first and foremost.

Old, unskilled way: girl: "You're a whore." boy: "What a bitch!"

Middle, routine based way: girl: "You're a whore." boy: "Do you like lizards?"

New, natural game, ssp way: girl: "You're a whore." boy: "Heh" as he claws her in, with a smirk, and goes for the tender makeout boldly. girl: kisses or resists boy: "Do you like lizards?" girl: "blah blah boy: "Your eyes are sparkling and like a waterfall of champagne." girls: "bla...." [cut off] boy: kissing girl etc.

The difference is what's going on in HIS head, not what he's saying. In the old way, he's freaking out in his skull. In the middle way, he's plotting. In the new way, he's unreactively escalating shamelessly.

The calibration is practicing doing the different things that produce a result of escalation in the most time-efficient manner, so that those different things you can do just flow out naturally.

You naturally go thru a middle phase where the options pop up in your skull like the readout in the Terminator's eyes: Yes/No Or what Go away Matt Damon Please come back later Fuck you Fuck you, asshole

And by practice, the little things that make up your own game become natural responses to the female stimulus. But more importantly, your game becomes a natural extension of your own stimulus inside yourself.

So to calibrate, you have to learn some technology, whether it be knowledge of the foundations of how men & women interact, combined with pick-up lines, routines and stacks. Or if it's general knowledge coupled with just RAW conversational skills, and some knowledge of how to physically escalate... And then you go out on the town and practice your stuff.

You practice and practice and practice, week in week out, then you reflect.

You go back over the good nights, the bad ones, you throw out the shit that don't work, and you keep the stuff that does.

Most guys who get good end up doing a few similar things: They toss alcohol consumption. They learn to treat their body right, work out, eat right because they know it's more attractive. They get a bit pimped out fashion-wise. They are great conversationalists. They are positive, happy and fun to be around. They have huge social networks. They are not afraid of any girl, even Oprah. They are bold, and touch girls in a way that turns the girl on steadily. They have their lives together in some way, some pattern that gives them stability, even if it's pick-up itself. They know how to manage their own emotions, especially in the face of negativity, both internal and external. They reflect on what works and what doesn't.... constantly. Lastly, when they're out, they leave it all behind and get in-the-moment.

So, like the original Terminator, they give themselves a few pre-set options, they try them out, keep the ones that work and toss those that don't.

And they keep on keepin on, going out, being social, getting with girls, giving themselves more and more challenges.

By trying stuff more than once in different situations, you figure out what works for you. For instance, bad-boy doesn't work for me. I'm too naturally sweet and nice. So that means I need to go James Bond and just be smooth and suave, which works for me. I only got to that realization by my path of trying stuff, trying lots of alternatives, taking BC, talking to instructors, being here, trying stuff in the field, and zeroing in on the stuff that gets me my own personal results.

I was constantly realizing the interplay of Yin & Yang inside myself, and working with it rather than against it to get results. When things sucked, it was because I was not realizing this interplay of oppositional forces. When things got better, I realized that one force begets the other, and I tried something else, some other option. And saw a better result, and so the process was further refined. Calibration.

And so it will continue.

(section by drunkjohn) How do you, the regular guy, achieve this balance?

Really direct and to-the-point this morning.

Yes I know this is tonglen. Just deal with it.

1. Accept yourself. 2. Love and understand others 3. Exchange yourself for others 4. Move on

1. Accept yourself -- You constantly grow. Your actions build a dynamic, fluid self, not a fixed concept. Your mind may be fixed and centered but your being is always in flux. Emotion, urges, stress, breathing, energy consumption...the body is always changing. The mind is always expanding, hopefully from a place of positivity and abundance.

Be okay with this growth. It's not a race. It's scary at times, but it has a purpose. You don't want to blitz right through this and get to the "good stuff" because the good stuff happens WHILE you're growing. The "lifestyle" you're looking for isn't waiting at the end of a rainbow, it's all along the path.

Further know that you're not always going to get it. Some things will elude you. You might never understand the black nimbus, you might never fathom the ego pendulum. That's okay. It's not a sign of failure. If everyone was meant to understand everything fully, we would have no questions or reason to grow.

Once you accept yourself, faults and all, the world accepts you. Sometimes the world's been waiting on you to do this. The world is patient.

2. Love and Accept Others -- How anyone expects to succeed with people without being able to find things about them you love is beyond me. People are not disposable. Do not treat them like Kleenex, lest you be treated similarly. I can list all my friends, all my family members and find things about each of them that I love. Some people really make me laugh. Some people really inspire me to write. Some people like to make me cookies.

I can do the same for the people I dislike too. Even Darth Vader had some good still in him. It just required someone to go look for it. The people at my chode job, who are defined by that job, have good qualities. One girl has a nice ass. One girl is reasonably skilled in conversation. (Yes, even a shallow quality counts).

Those creepy guys, chodes and AMOGs I see? They have their good qualities. They have people who love them, so would it really kill me to treat them nicely? To smile and have a good time with them, rather than see them as problems?

I accept that everyone has faults. Even the people I care about aren't perfect. No one is. I'm not perfect. They're not perfect. Some people take their faults and blow them out of proportion, defining themselves by what they cannot do, rather than by what they can. I don't agree with this mindset at all, but I understand it. I used to think this way not too long ago.

3. Exchange your best for others. People go out, and presumably they use their best. Wear their best outfit, use their best game. Be their best self. I fully understand and accept that a chode's best game is still chode game. That a creepy guy's best is still creepy. This is their "A" game. It's almost unfair for me to blow them away so quickly. So lately, I haven't been. If they want to hang out in the periphery and absorb a little of the drunkjohn experience, bless them. Lead them to change by example. Lead them not to frustration but curiosity.

There is a hint of superiority here, but I'm not flaunting it. It is unspoken and remains so. Yes, I know I am better at a particular skill than that creepy guy, but I remember that I used to be creepy too, so I temper that feeling with a little humility. Don't let the ego and mind go crazy. Game does not make you a god.

I want people to come into contact with me and benefit. Cup of value is a keg of value. I can pump out Solo cups full of goodness all night. I want women around me to be intrigued, that I might do naughty things. I want guys around me to benefit by my being there. Bring the party, lift spirits, truly LORD over a place.

Put myself in their shoes, for just a moment, and realize the potential for growth. Become motivated by the helping of others, drive everything higher and higher.

Knowing some guys in the community, knowing where they were, and seeing now where they are and where they're going, how can I not be motivated? I may or may not have a direct hand in their growth, but how can this not advance me forward?

Guys who used to be keyboard jockeys are out getting head and dancing. Guys who could never talk to women are starting dozens of interactions a night. Massive transformations. Does it matter that I didn't directly give them the steps to achieve it? Is my ego that massive that I need that sort of validation?

4. Move on -- We are told in a lot of media that moving is the key to success. In boxing, it's stick and move. In exercise, you literally do move in order to succeed. In combat we're taught that a moving target is harder to hit. This applies too for calibration. Know when you've been in one place too long.

This is not a call to eject after two minutes, but realize that per each interaction, per each venue, there is only so much you can do. As awesome as my party is, as powerful as my hurricane, if there's only 2 women in a room of ten guys, I'm not going to spend a lot of time there. Form a chode crystal around me, and I know that I have to break out. Movement is vital to growth. If you can't move within an interaction (kino and escalation), then it's not going to go anywhere. If you can't move within a venue, then you're going to have trouble. If you can't move within your own head (mindset, frame) then you're not going to succeed.

Be ready to move. This is fluid.

Let's pull some things together. Let's connect a few dots and see what we can draw.

Here's the scenario:

You've successfully gotten a girl to have a meal with you. You and she have had conversations prior to this, so the ice is broken and you're feeling a little comfortable. Neither of you are baring your souls to one another, but you're both very happy and able to speak to each other without too much awkwardness.

Life is good right?

Yes, life is good. You've made a new friend. You're sharing a meal. You're being social.

So how can this get possibly better?

Try the same scenario again:

You've successfully gotten a girl to have a meal with you. You and she have had conversations prior to this, so you're feeling exceptionally comfortable talking to her about anything and everything. Specifically, you're not shying away from awkward topics like sex. You're not running straight towards them, but should they come up, you're ready to chat. Oddly enough, you're noticing this girl now not as someone nice to share soup with, but rather someone who you want to see naked on all-fours once the meal is done. You've got that hungry look in your eyes, and you convey it. Later, you go have sex.

Find the principle difference? Sexuality was present from the start. Not just the start of the physical meeting, but the start of conversation.

It's a component of who you are. On a primal level, it's the need to pass on your genes. On a male level, it's conquest. It's sex. It's not scary. It's actually what you want, so why disguise or wait for it?

Isn't sex the whole point of you talking to this girl, setting up a shared meal, bringing her back to your place? Isn't that the goal?

How do you expect that goal to happen unless you take steps towards it?

She's been socially conditioned to not make the first move, lest you judge her. This puts the ball squarely in your court. Take that first scary step. (Note: It's only scary the first time you do it to the first woman, after that, it's way smoother.)

Have a conversation. If sex or sexy things come up, fantastic. If they don't, MAKE THEM COME UP. Engage all parts of your personality, even the sex part.

Am I suggesting you just go talk about your girthy manhood? Not initially. Do not use sexuality to plump your ego. Do not use your sexuality aggressively in any way/shape/form to prove yourself. You're already proven. This is just where you make others aware of it.

This girl, for all the things going for her, is not going to see you sexually until you make it happen. Conversely, you're not going to see her sexually if she doesn't make it happen. She's going to wear something nice, get the makeup rocking maybe....she's going to physically accentuate her sexuality.

You can also physically bring it out. Get those nice clothes. Be clean. Break out the strong body language. Sit up straight. Make eye contact.

You can also take it one step further. You can draw her sexuality out of her through your personality. Lead conversation comfortably. Establish a good connection, be relaxed and easy with your vibe. You're positive. You're both having fun. Talking about this one time when you didn't realize your fly was down at a wedding? Go for it. Let her tell the story about how she was running around all afternoon looking for underwear. Enjoy her story. Build on the topics, push themes.

If you're projecting sexuality, not in a "future rapist" sense but more in a "this is part of who I am, and part of myself that I want to share with you, and it's what I share with everyone" way, she's going to see that it's alright to be comfortable with you.

Not putting the sexuality up front, not making it known and hoping you can surprise her later with it is not going to work. (The best example I can think of is imagine an ice cube being dropped down your back. All kinds of out-of-control shock).

Are you afraid of your sexuality? Come to some kind of terms with it. Are you unsure of how to have conversations that involve sex? Find a friend, talk it out. Find a fat girl and practice.

You can do this.

I wanted to take a few minutes this beautiful Sunday morning to write out some thoughts I've been having on this topic of projecting outward an inner being of sexuality, and where that sexuality comes from.

Last week in between episodes of coitus with one of my girls, I noticed something again. Not for the first time, but I noticed it again acutely, through this filter of SSP-thinking. I noticed how the sex goes in a flow, with ups and downs, periods of quiescence, periods of activity, times of transition to another position or something logistical, and then it heats up, then it cools down, etc. I noticed that sex itself is like a little mini-drama that plays out in the space of a few hours.

Bad sex is boring, where the two people just can't seem to meet and ignite any ferocity. It's blah and neutral. Great sex is different. It's ferocious and sweet, hot and cold, extreme and serene, etc, opposites. And I'm leading it; she is responding to me, my eyes, my words, my touch, my tongue, my dick, my cadence, my pressure.

So I had this fantasy about being stranded on an island with an attractive woman. What would I do? How would I keep things interesting?

I'd figure out a way to engage her mind and my mind in a fantasy that plays out between us. I'd make something up, a scenario, a sexual plotline. And I'd touch her in a leading way, always exploring the pattern of kissing, then touching through the clothes, then clothes off and oral, then screwing, and playing that theme many different ways. With little miniature upsets to the process causing tension, and resolution of that tension with a breakthrough, like a mini-drama. And the touching itself, with different parts of my body, different angles, different pressures, etc. And have her do the same things with me with her mouth, her pussy, her hands, her ass, everything. Pushing, pulling, forward, backward, etc., moving towards climax but not in a straight line.

I'd always maintain vigilance to how she is responding to my touch, so that I could calibrate what I'm doing in real time. I'd also develop a vocabulary that exists only between us. I would train her, s h a d e-style, to respond to my voice commands, and prolong the orgasm.

So then I thought in my thought-experiment, what's the difference between this little deserted island fantasy and real life? Nothing. I have the power to engage this behavior now, where I'm drawing on the power to fantasize and lead a woman and me to intense pleasure. I can do it now. I do some of it now, but now it's time to turn it on fully. To deeply explore this aspect of myself.

Then it hit me: what is the difference between playing out these fantasies with a woman I'm having sex with and a woman I haven't yet had sex with? Well, nothing. I can be engaged in it anytime I'm with an attractive interesting woman. We start down the path with our clothes on, and the sex is inevitable. The story begins with our first meeting of the eyes.

Then I realized further that going about my approaches from this place of sexual IMAGINATION, being a sexual PRESENCE everywhere I go throughout my day IS the heart and soul of SSP. I realized this is what makes me attractive: the amount of sexuality I bring with me into an interaction with a woman I'm interested in. The amount of subtle relaxed-ness, leadership, sexual awareness, responsiveness, eye-contact, touch, playfulness, etc. I get her laughing and responding and the rest becomes less and less subtle until sex. It starts out subtle and then grows from there.

All stemming from being in touch with my inner core of sexual imagination. And USING it fully. SSP.


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