The Dynamic Nature Of Your Existence

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I was out at a club a while back, and a dude who was curious walked up and asked "Are you Tyler from The Game??"

It was a funny situation because I've always been happy with everything I've been involved with in the community, but for some reason I just instinctively paused, looked him in the eye and said "No..."

This was a smart fellow, he knew very well what was going on.

I knew that I wasn't giving him an answer that made sense, but for one reason or another the old "speak your mind and let the chips fall where they may" instinct just blurted it out.

"I" didn't say it, so to speak. The answer just arose out of me.

Initially it caught me by surprise. I jumped back into my head. "Where did that come from??"

The next day I was thinking about it, and the plain and simple reason was that in the moment IT WAS MY TRUTH.

I don't really "think ahead" when I speak (or at least I try to avoid it...). Whatever arises ... it is what it is.

(Obviously this is a habit I picked up while learning to interact with women -- Never, ever think ahead about what you're saying ... just be in the moment and let the words arise and be expressed simultaneously).

One thing I know for sure is that I don't identify myself as "Tyler from The Game".

That's not only rigid and confining, but utterly ridiculous.

Being a figurehead and operations manager and and lightening rod for Real Social Dynamics is a role that I play. It's one of many.

When I'm playing it, I'm immersed in it. When I'm out enjoying myself, well, I guess I'm Owen Cook. Apparently a different guy.

There's a lot of reasons for this.

First off, as a young guy coming up and learning from the "top guys" the most obvious flaw in the otherwise amazing wealth of value they offered was that they oftentimes had an inability to "locate the off-switch".

This was a character flaw that I eventually developed myself to the extreme, and I took a lot of heat for it both personally and professionally.

The symptoms??

Being a cool guy when everyone is looking up to you, but becoming TRYHARD as soon as people who don't worship you come along.

This is one of the dark shadows that a lot of "gurus" experience.

You're all good as long as you're in your center-of-attention comfort zone (which ironically is a role that most people would consider high pressure), but as soon as you're on equal footing or even a student you feel off-balance and ill-at-ease.

I've known guys who are phenomenally talented, utterly captivating in front of an audience and every reason in the world to feel AWESOME about themselves -- but take the limelight away for even an instant and they don't know who they are anymore.

You've got to understand that from a very legitimate psychological perspective, there's a specific way that your ego expects to be responded to by the world.

If you're a pimp boss playa, and you IDENTIFY with this role, then that's all good UNTIL somebody treats you like a normal human being.

And when that happens, which in this ever-in-flux world it inevitably it will, your entire sense of reality gets toppled upside down.

Here comes the rationalizations...

Here comes the urge to control and manipulate...

Here comes the needy, hungry eyes and the frantic clutching at straws...

Ugh.

This was something I experienced very tangibly for several years.

I got a long GREAT with everyone who "knew my value" -- but if somebody didn't know who I was, or worse, DIDN'T REALY CARE, it threw me for a loop.

I'd go into my head, try to get them to treat me the way I'm used to being treated, and came off like a total knob in the process.

Oftentimes I'd "casually" mention to people from my small town in Canada that I lived in Los Angeles. Or I'd "casually" bring it up with people that I live in a big mansion in the Hollywood Hills (obviously leaving out that I lived in a walk-in closet at the time!!).

Even worse I'd start "giving them much-needed advice".

Ack!! LAME!!

Obviously all this stuff was totally unnecessary.

The BEST way to come across to people is always just "doing you" and letting the chips fall where they may.

THAT is what's impressive.

Example: If you come on bootcamp I might say "Walk over to those girls and allow yourself to be blown out... Plan nothing in your head, say hi, and just sit there and stare... Don't try at all... Allow yourself to be blown out..."

As you'd expect, big time attraction every time -- because it instantly conveys a million positive qualities about you.

(The only problem being when this becomes your "method" and you're doing it to have it "work" and suddenly the outcome depence creeps in and you get blown out harshly and repeatedly -- but that's a whole other article).

Anyway, beyond the massive lameness this creates in your personality there's also the aspect that any "role" you play is a blatant fiction.

It's funny how when you have all the accolades the temptation is to "take credit for it".

This is a bitter irony first, because as my buddy Ciaran pointed out to me "People love you for the FICTIONAL ROLE that you're playing, and this tells your unconscious mind that the only way to gain love is with power games because the *real* you isn't worthy of unconditional affection", and second, because the nature of being high-profile is that *most* people like you because *other* people like you.

I found this out very quickly back in 2005 after a bout of bad press with a NY Times best selling novel -- where the vast majority the people who supported me (or my fictional role) suddenly stopped returning my phone calls.

True, I was the same person and offering the same value... but it wasn't until we brought the company back to it's previous position that things returned to "normal" again -- though this time with the fresh epiphany that "Your reputation is utterly volitile, uncontrollable and impermanent, and IT DOESN'T MEAN SHIT."

From that experience, let me tell you, I had to disconnect myself from my "fictional role" entirely.

In the same way that I had to make a choice that "I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks of me" when things were going BAD, I've maintained that worldview now that things are going good.

You can't just say "I don't care" when you don't get the responses you want and then later bask in the delusional glory as soon as the coin is flipped in your favour.

That's inauthentic.

The truth is that you have to make it a RELIGION to know who-you-are independently of any external validation.

It's like Marlon Brando says in his 1996 interview with Larry King (paraphased)...

LARRY: "You don't care about the applause??"

BRANDO: "No."

LARRY: "Come on..."

BRANDO: "Awwww... Larry that's cute, you don't really need somebody else to tell you how you did after all these years do you??"

See, you have to know that the nature of your existence is too dynamic to be "labelled" or "categorized" by people's shifting and volatile flavours of the week.

My experience with bad press was inevitably one of the best things that ever happened to me. Possibly one of the most important experiences of my entire life, if not THE most important because without it I would have gone further and further down the path of delusion (and the perpetual fear of maintaining it).

The core ability to look at yourself and the world and see the "isness" of it is also fundamental in the process of being creative.

By being put into a position where you're forced to go with your own instincts and opinions over concerning yourself with what other people might think, it frees you up to attune your creative instincts on the highest possible level.

The result: You're "unstifled" and creative output shoots through the roof.

Now think for a minute here about where YOU are finding yourself attached to the roles that you play in your life.

Who are you??

The answer isn't found in what you DO.

You aren't your job. You aren't the contents of your wallet. You aren't your fucking khakis.

The point is that you have a dynamic and uncategorizable nature and relationship with the world.

Anything is possible. You are infinite and unlimited in potentiality.

An authentic relationship to your existence is one that is "grounded and humble and at ease with the unknown".

That's where REAL and DEEP confidence arises from.

There is no shelter in roles, no shelter in beliefs, no shelter in drawing from past experiences.

You strip back the opaque layers of labels and judgements and comparisons and interpretations and you experience the world in a poetic vision of unity -- as ridiculous or funny as that might sound.

This is you. This is your life.

The roles you play are there for convenience. The world requirse them for organizational purposes. For practical purposes.

Play them and play them well, remembering their impermanent nature and enjoying them for what they are.

You feel good about yourself because you're rooted in the enjoyment that comes naturally from within yourself, you offer only value, and want for nothing from anybody -- be it to categorize them to make a fragile sense of reality make sense, or to get their validation to find a false sense of self.

THAT is the starting point of authentic communication.

And if I ever have the pleasure of meeting you, please be sure to communicate with me authentically.

Because that's really the only type of communication that I know how to respond to in kind.

I hope you've found value here. That's it for now.


Tyler (or whoever...)

PS: I later bumped into the same guy from the start of the article, and he came across grounded and at ease -- which is always awesome to see, especially because it shows that NOBODY can be labelled so easily -- that just isn't the way the world works.

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