The Zen of PU

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This is just me trying to articulate how I’ve been coming at things and the difference between the sets that I’ve done which have gone extremely well and not so well. If I can articulate it, then I can make it more consistent in future. A lot of it is based off stuff I’ve read in this forum and others.

Ego and value taking:

If I want something from the set I am ‘taking value’. Like a beggar wanting money from me, or some guy trying to copy my assignment at university, or someone trying to get invited to a party I’m going to, I have an agenda. Usually guys go in with agendas like: wanting sex, wanting to validate themselves, and most frequently wanting to feed or support their ego. They have an image in their mind of themselves being at a certain level of success with women. Lets say I rate my game an 8/10… I walk around all day feeling good about myself because I’ve been working on my game and I think it’s at a decent level. But deep down I know that my game might not really be an 8/10… I’m just thinking that to make myself feel better.

Now when I go out that night, whenever I do an approach I’ll always be using it to reinforce how I feel good about myself. If I do my first approach and it goes well, I think “fuck maybe my game really IS an 8/10” and I go into state. But this is fragile, for as soon as I get a bad reaction (be it my fault or not) I’ll think to myself “shit my game really isn’t that good” and I’ll start to doubt myself. I’ll need positive social feedback to get back into state again. So I’m not really talking to people because it’s fun, or for no reason at all, or to make them happy. I’m talking to them because I want their validation. I want a positive reaction from them in response to my actions. If I do not get this positive reaction then I will push harder for it. It is obvious. This makes me reaction seeking in how I act, and how I am perceived.

Reaction seeking:

When you have an agenda in an interaction, you will do things which you believe will fulfil that agenda. Let’s say my agenda is to feed my ego and reinforce the fact to myself that I have good game. I will go into the set and open using the opener which I believe will open the best. “Hey guys, I need a female opinion”. It goes well. Ego is fed, I go into state. But one of the girls isn’t laughing at my joke. Maybe I’m not a pickup artist after all? I know, all I need to do is say something funny. “I have to know… are you guys best friends?”. I run the best friends test and it doesn’t hit. I start to get desperate. What’s wrong with me? Why isn’t the set going well? I do some hardcore push-pull but it’s grossly miscalibrated to the situation and I have a desperate nervous look in my eyes as I do it. I creep them out and the girls walk off. Of course this is an extreme example, but I’ve seen it hundreds of times both in myself and others.

I came in with an agenda, and so I used button pushing tactics to achieve it. When I did not get the desired outcome, I pushed those buttons harder. The funny thing is that it is blatantly obvious whenever you have an agenda and it creeps people out. Even the smallest thing like wanting the interaction to go well will put people off talking to you. When you want something that is not happening then you will become anxious and it will be visible. You want to be completely relaxed and smooth. Calm. But when you fear that you are the not the pickup artist you thought you were then you will become anxious. You will get the approach anxiety feeling or something simular and it will come through in the way you act. People will avoid you. “We have to go meet a friend” they will say.

The solution:

What you must do is cut out your agenda totally. Completely get rid of outcome dependency.

Consider this quote “This is also why if I tell a guy taking a bootcamp "I want you to TRY to get blown out, by not making any effort" he'll open the sets and they'll all stick on him like glue.’. (TD)

Now if I tell you to go into a set and try to get blown out by doing nothing and not making any effort, you will go in and it will be quite possibly the best set you’ve ever run. You will be in the ‘sweet spot’ that Tyler talks about and you will have hardcore sexual attraction with all the girls. But if I tell you to do it again on another set, it will bomb.

This is because you are going in with an agenda again. You aren’t ‘doing nothing’, you are ‘doing’ nothing. You’re trying to look as if you’re not making any effort in an attempt to manipulate the set to go well and this will be sub communicated. But what you need to do is transcend this and really really REALLY not make any effort. Not push any buttons – nor TRY not to push any buttons. Because you have no agenda, so why would you care either way? When you completely drop the agenda, you will naturally not be button pushing, you will naturally be unreactive, and naturally add value to the interaction. You must ‘do nothing’, and not ‘do’ nothing.

So in summary:

-Do nothing


Hope you found this post useful

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