Wisdom from Days of Yore

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Ah, I see it. I see it as I used to see it. At least, I'm starting to make some headway in that direction, which is a good thing.

This is the edited highlights of a post, and the answers to that post that I made way back in the day.

I re-read it tonight, and it really helped me get some clarity on what I'm thinking. I'm still moving toward that state I was in earlier, but I guess it's a good sign that I'm reading what I wrote a while ago and it's really resonating with me.

Anyway, as I read it, I felt I should probably resurrect this, because there's a lot in it that I'm rediscovering. There's a simplicity to the way I used to see things that gave me some real clarity with this stuff, and if I can share it with even a couple of you, that's enough for me.

Incidentally, this post is huge, so brew a cup of tea or something.

Ok, lads, here it is.

......................................... For a while now I've felt I was close to seeing something far more profound about pickup, male-female relations and human interaction in general. This post is essentially a quick summary of what I've worked out so far.

Primarily it's about the difference between being genuine with people and being consciously manipulative.

All the personality traits that we link to an attractive man (or indeed, woman) such as coolness, confidence, self-possession, having a strong 'frame', congruence, being comfortable in your own skin, being expressive, being chilled out, being relaxed – all these are symptoms of a single cause, and it's something very simple. It's just being genuine.

All the things we associate with someone who is unattractive – being scattered, being insecure, looking to others for approval of what you're doing, thinking or saying, having a weak 'frame', incongruence, being defensive, being aggressive, being stressed out – all these are also symptoms of a single cause, and it's also something very simple. It's called being fake.

The human mind and, as a consequence attraction itself, is actually very simple. It is infinitely creative, but at it's heart the fundamental dynamics are relatively straightforward. A wise man once said that “What is attractive about a human being is their humanity”. There's no need to get too involved in the metaphysics of this. For our purposes though, what it means is that you don't have to DO anything to be attractive, you just need to express the shit you already have.

The old adage “be yourself” is actually incredibly perceptive. The only problem with it is that it's not 'being' yourself as such (although this is the goal of any "PUA" – to just chill and exist and have women love you), but rather to EXPRESS yourself. Why is this powerful, I hear you ask? Because the stuff you're expressing is AUTOMATICALLY attractive. It is fashioned by evolution so to be.

This leads to another very interesting point, which is that perhaps it's not really confidence, or even being genuine that women find attractive.

Perhaps all your genuineness and confidence do is allow a clear line of sight between the woman's mind and you, unobscured by your agendas or your emotional bullshit.

From that point the woman can come to see all the things about you that are attractive anyway. If you have agendas and emotional bullshit and ego in the way - if you are guarding your 'self' behind a wall of thought, it's a bit like playing Battleships with a girl.

I say “D5”. You tell me if it's a hit or a miss. You say “E7”. I tell you if it's a hit or a miss. Neither of us can actually see the other person's pieces, we just have to use guesswork, logic, witty jibes, conversational fencing and inference to work out who they are. Why do this with a woman? Why do this with another person in general? Your pieces are what make you interesting, they're what make you unique. No-one has the same pieces as you. They are your peacock's tail.

DO YOU HEAR ME? THEY ARE YOUR PEACOCK'S TAIL.

That's why we've evolved the way we have. That's why are minds are the way they are. That is the kind of animals we are. It is our nature.

This distinction between being genuine and being fake is completely pivotal to the whole issue of pickup. It's lesson number one. It's the bedrock on which the other lessons rest. That is what it is. It is the beating heart of the entire issue that has brought every single one of us to this place.

Being genuine isn't a piece of your frame that you should work on. It's your fucking life goal. It's an art form. It is the art of being human. It is the meaning of life.

At least, it's something pretty close. I reckon. Chicks dig it, so that works for me.

Ok - problems with the idea.

So say there's the issue of "well, chodes are genuine about what they want with flowers and drink buying and such - clearly it doesn't work"

I have been a chode. Let me tell you something. An chode is never genuine when it comes to women.

Look - if you buy a woman flowers, buy a woman drinks, act nice and complimentary to her all the time and generally behave like her lapdog, that's fucking manipulative... and therefore weak.

This is not a moral homily to honesty. This is, as I see it, the heart of the real power that is inside you.

Chode behaviour is ineffectual at getting women NOT because being nice to women turns them off, but because being FAKE to women turns them off and the beating heart of being a chode is the act of being ARTIFICIALLY NICE. I believe it's not the nice bit that turns women off. It's the artificiality.

That is why some guys who are great with women are great romancers. They buy flowers. They leave love notes.

I think in Robert Greene's Art Of Seduction (which is a pretty messed up book, IMO) he describes this kind of romantic seducer as a rake. The key to understanding the rake's success is the fact that he is GENUINELY LOST IN HIS LOVE OF AND DESIRE FOR WOMEN.

Now shit, I'm not saying that you can go from an chode to a mack daddy overnight. No-one can do that.

Ok - you might also say that you need time to work on inner game so that you can then be genuine.

Being genuine is inner game.

Expressing yourself genuinely is outer game.

That is what they are.

Between those two, that's your theory and practice sorted. Now get out there and make it happen for yourself.

And the congruence testing? Bang on. It IS congruence testing. The tests women throw you are ways of finding the genuine. That's exactly what they are. Exactly. And do you know why women are so interested in finding the genuine? Because it is beautiful to them. That is why.

What you have here is people. Every single story posted on this forum about some guy who likes some girl is the story of two human beings, and the real connection that exists between who they really fucking are.

The reason chodes lose their girlfriends is that the lines they are using do not express their personality because they are doing 'something they think will achieve an effect'... or they got those lines off the internet.

There is no real connection there.

The relationship is therefore fragile. It has no substance. What that chode needs to do, and you know what I'm going to say here, is to give that woman a reason to love him for who he is. It's simple.

Many think that there is a fakeness phase for chodes trying to get good. That they have to learn lines and routines first, go through a 'fake it till you make it' stage and eventually let go.

This is not true. All chodes are living their fakeness phases as we speak. That is why they are chodes.

As I said, learning to express yourself is an art form. Obviously you cannot learn it overnight.

But you can learn an art genuinely, for the right reasons. Hell you may sound like a cat molester when you're learning the violin, but you aren't being fake about it. You're just not very good at playing the violin yet. This transitional phase takes a while, depending on how much of yourself you are already comfortable with expressing and the emotional barriers that lie in your way. That is the way of things.

But fuck it. It takes as long as it takes and remember - you are learning to do something you are evolved to kick ass at.

But being fake's not a cure for fakeness. Fakeness is the problem in the first place.

And you might think that if you remain genuine you'd remain chode?

Bullshit.

If you were genuine in the first place, AND GOOD AT EXPRESSING IT, you wouldn't be a chode anyway.

You'd be a natural.

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